Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
