Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
