She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
