i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
