talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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