Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Im part way to drunk.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
