I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Pants are for mortals
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
