I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
