Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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