if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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