I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
