i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
