well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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