I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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