"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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