I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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