i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
