what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
