dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
