i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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