I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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