he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
