Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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