Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
