i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
