i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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