I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
