did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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