She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
