I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
