How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
