someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
