ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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