Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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