Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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