Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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