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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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