is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
