I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
