i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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