I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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