I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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