dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
