Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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