It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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