It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
