I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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