i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
