i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
