I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My pussy is not your playground.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
