they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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