not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
