It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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