It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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