I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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