i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
