either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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