I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
