I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
