saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
