No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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