I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Betty ford says i'm here all night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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