okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
