Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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