My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
