i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
