Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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