i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
