so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
