I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
