I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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